Connecting Your Way to Cooperation

Finding it hard to make time for meaningful connection with your children each day?

Don’t worry you are not alone.

The fast pace of life can make it difficult for families to have meaningful time to connect face to face and technology has replaced some of those opportunities. Making time for face to face connection each day is vital. Brains grow best when they are face-to-face, mind-to-mind and heart-to-heart with caring others (Bailey, 2015).

Connection increases cooperation and is essential for healthy relationships. More connection means fewer power struggles and upsets! These connecting times literally wire the brain for impulse control and willingness. Connect with children using activities that have eye contact, touch, being present in the moment and consist in a playful situation.

Eye Contact - stimulates the Vegas Nerve which is critical to communicating with the brain and heart and helps to regulate our heart and facial expressions. It produces a calming effect on the heart and lungs and calms the body’s adrenal system and stress hormones, turning off the stress response. This helps the child shift out of a fear state and feel safe and secure (Jackson-Nakazawa, 2014).

Presence - being present in the moment means your mind and body are in the same place. Your mind is free from chatter and you are still enough to see the beauty in the child. Presence is about acceptance as we join together to share the same moment. The present moment is where joy lies so this opportunity allows us to relax in it (Bailey, 2015).

Touch - is the only sense we cannot live without. The skin and brain are made up of the same embryonic tissue. The skin is the outside layer of the brain. Touch creates a hormone that is essential to neural functioning and learning. If we want smart, happy kids, then we need to provide more appropriate, caring touch (Bailey, 2015).

Playfulness - helps to build bonds and creates a biochemistry in the brain for dopamine. Dopamine says, “Pay attention, stay focused.” Playful situations strengthen the dopamine system, increase attention spans and boost social development (Bailey, 2015).

Planning for these moments will ensure that they happen and can also be planned strategically for difficult transitions times during the day. Some moments that may be difficult are: before going to daycare or school, before naptime, after picking your child up from school or daycare and before bed.

Being preventative will allow both you and your child a moment of togetherness before these transitions. These face to face interactions provide the brain with feel good brain chemicals that can reduce oppositional behavior by 50% with just five minutes of connection.

These are ideal times to connect using playful rituals. These moments can take only a minute or two but will create cooperation and an opportunity to provide a sense of felt safety, belonging and trust. Two examples of playful rituals are shown below. You can use any words and movements as long as you include the four elements of Eye Contact, Presence, Touch, and Playfulness.

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle little star (touch child’s fingers, wiggling them)
What a wonderful child you are (bring arms down to gently rest on child’s shoulders)
With bright eyes and nice round cheeks (touch child’s eyebrows and cheeks)
A talented person from head to feet (touch child’s head and feet)
Twinkle, twinkle little star (touch child’s fingers, wiggling them)
What a wonderful child you are (hug)

Round and Round the Garden

Round and round the garden, (trace circles on child’s tummy)
Goes the teddy bear. (keep circling)
One step, (use fingers to step towards child’s chin)
Two step, (keep stepping)
Tickle under there! (tickle gently under child’s chin)